When the Second Date Is Full of Panic and Disgust

Part 2 of 2. See the beginning of the story here.

Our second date could not have gone any worse.

He was overbearing. He had asked to pick me up for the date, and I had agreed. At dinner, he presented me with a gift. It was a bracelet that he said had reminded him of me. I felt uncomfortable.

When he drove me home, he told me he needed to use the bathroom; he asked if he could use mine. But how could I say no?

He did, in fact, go to the bathroom. And then, he didn’t leave. He asked for a glass of wine, so I opened the bottle. He kissed me. He showed no signs of leaving. He kissed me again.

And then, he tried to unbutton my pants and I said “No” gently. He tried a second time, and a third time, and I said “No, not tonight” and moved his hand away. When he tried a fourth and a fifth time, I began to feel panicky.

“No,” I said again.

I will always wish I had been more verbal, firmer, in my irritation and unease and disgust. I felt I was betraying myself in those moments.

This is how date rape can happen, I thought.

Finally, I gathered his things: his wallet, his phone, his shoes. I brought them back to him and told him, “I need to go to sleep.”

I wanted to say, “You are making me uncomfortable and I want you to leave.”

He did leave; thank God.

I crawled into bed that night feeling sad, invisible, and violated. My mind raced. What would I have done if he had refused to leave?

Shawn continued to text me.

When I explained my discomfort, he blamed me. He told me that he had just been showing me he liked me and was attracted to me. He suggested I should feel appreciative. And then he sent me flowers, which appeared on my doorstep. I lied and told my roommate they were from my friend.

He still has my address, I thought. He knows where I live.