I See the (Unearned) Privilege Granted to Me

We are expecting two weeks of cloudy, stormy weather here in the state of Washington. I normally crave the sun, but rain seems more fitting at the moment. The sun’s brightness would be too stark a contrast to our little earth, which currently feels so dark.

I keep sitting down to write and struggling to find the words. I love words, and yet sometimes they fail to capture feelings and experiences with appropriate emotion and nuance. (Tangentially related: Did you know that the language(s) you speak shape your perception of the world? And that some languages express emotions for which other languages literally have no words?). I want to be careful about how I write about race, because words matter. And the impact of words matters far more than the intention behind them.

Lately, it seems I spend a lot of mental energy trying to decipher what authentic engagement in this racial justice movement looks like for me. What is my role? And, to be clear, I feel it is a movement that necessitates my time, energy, and mental space (and that of all white people). I have a lot of thoughts around racial injustice, segregation, police brutality, and the pillars of white supremacy which uphold and condone them. And I also have a lot to learn.

It feels important to balance a desire to speak up with the understanding that other voices, namely those of black people (and especially black women), are infinitely more crucial in this movement than mine.

I do plan to continue sharing silly, sad, and heartwarming love stories here. But even my experience in dating is shaped by race! Everything is shaped by race. So, for today, I want to highlight various situations in which I see the (unearned) privilege granted to me by my being white. Maybe you’ve seen it, too?

• I can move across borders with ease to live, travel, study, and learn. That is white privilege.
• I can swipe through online dating profiles and trust that the humans behind those profiles will almost never reject me because of my race. (This is not to say that people don’t reject me, but that race is not a reason for that rejection. Online dating sites have plenty of data to prove this.) That is white privilege.
• I can be pulled over by the police and drive off without a ticket (no lies or excuses necessary). He smiles and says “Be safe,” and I’m off the hook. That is white privilege.
• I can forget my make-up for my friend’s wedding and not have to worry; the Walgreens I pass will certainly carry numerous bottles of foundation in colors that match my skin. That is white privilege.
• I can walk through the toy aisle at Target and be sure to find a whole collection of dolls that represent my race. That is white privilege.
• I can apply for a job and expect, with some degree of certainty, that the person hiring me will share my race. That is white privilege.
• I can enroll in a university without anyone wondering whether or not I “earned” my acceptance letter. That is white privilege.
• I can blend in across most situations (social, professional, educational, etc.), and I can count on the fact that I will not be singled out for my race in a negative manner. That is white privilege.
• I can be confident that, whenever I have a child, both of us will survive labor and childbirth. That is white privilege.

I could go on and on, with new examples arriving throughout each day.

With love,

Allie